I always wondered how open letters worked: If the person it was written to was just supposed to find it, or if was sent to him. Now I know. Or you’re just a really polite open letter writer. Either way, I enjoyed it. And the site, which was new to me.


Ed. Note: Joel Stein is responding to an open letter written for him in issue 4. He is a writer for Time and Entertainment Weekly. He is also one of the talking heads on VH1’s “I Love the80’s”. Less impressively, he can currently be seen hosting Reel Comedy: Dumb & Dumberer on Comedy Central. More impressively, he makes fun of the stars, Derek and Eric, in his latest EW column.


Let’s face it, your comment about those “crazy ass riggers” in your “retro review” of the movie Armageddon was a little too close to another word that chaps my black hide. There was actually only one – Michael Clark Duncan. He had to be crazy to go into outer space to dump a nuclear weapon into an asteroid, because let’s just face it, black people don’t do that shit.

The director (and writer for that matter) only let the true image of the black man show through once when they portrayed him as a sexual beast who danced on an examination table in cheetah bikini underwear. “Mmm, mmm, good”, I am sure the audience was saying, “even in the face of death, he still wants to shake his money-maker and give the public a glimpse of exactly why once you go black, you never go back”.

Still unrealistic? Yes, because if it was real, he would have run off to join a black male, stripper revue featured on Real Sex 21 and been the last person on Earth to board a space ship and fly to his most likely death. Black people boarding a space craft of any kind is an innately avoided adventure (see: Star Trek, et. all). While I commend your efforts in trying to bring forth what you believe is the meat of the story line, let’s keep it real. It was yet another story of The Man tryin’ to keep a brotha down.

Keepin’ It Real in AZ.

Ed. Note: We stand by our review that Armageddon is terrible for many reasons not limited to it’s portrayal of African-Americans.


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Little Cube News –
We know what the fuckin’ score is!


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Ed. Note: We submitted “Little Cube News – Sports Scores and Shit” but the humor was lost on “The Google AdWords Team” as they sent us another message similar to the one above. We finally went with “Little Cube News – Words manually sorted in patterns proven to elicit laugh cycles” to which we’ve received no response.