My name is Ken Bialobrzeski and I like monkeys. This week’s monkey is the duck-billed platypus. In response to those who claim the platypus is a duck and not a monkey; you are wrong. I, too, was once fooled by the duckbill, but then I discovered that the platypus is actually a marsupial, just like monkeys because they used to be able to fly. My name is Ken Bialobrzeski and I like monkeys.
If you’re wondering why I’m not Kevin, who usually writes this column, it’s because he’s a fraud and he claims to be the world’s number one fan of monkeys, an improvable statement if ever there ever was one. I know improvable statements when I hear them. Like the time I tried to prove to some dude talking trash that I did, in fact, know my ass from a hole in the ground and I ended up coining the term “shovelectomy”. I didn’t prove shit and Kevin has never even seen Project X, so in no way, shape, or form can he be the top monkey fan on the planet.
My name is Ken Bialobrzeski and I like monkeys.