Celebrities Shut Up!

It’s a good thing we have responsible people organizing movie reunions. Without them, the tide of celebrities who won’t shut up might be even greater. So, thank you to the noble Dale Petroskey for canceling the Bull Durham reunion at the Baseball Hall of Fame two weeks ago. Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon were endangering U.S. troops with anti-war statements and they wouldn’t shut up. They said, of course, they weren’t against the troops and the whole premise was ridiculous. Dale responded by apologizing… for not telling them on the phone, personally, to shut up. Slam. Dale was right. What the Sarandons and many other famous people fail to recognize is that armies of terrorist states are just like good football teams. They tape inspirational quotes all over their locker rooms. They pin-up pictures of traitor-activist Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt – even the military aggressors hate Bush, they think!

Why do celebrities think we want to hear what they have to say, anyway? Besides Extra, Access Hollywood, Entertainment Tonight, MTV Entertainment Tonight, Starz! Sneak Peaks, E! News Daily, Biography, Larry King Live, Showbiz Tonight, Good Morning America, Celebrity Profile, Entertainment Weekly, People, US, Premiere, Vanity Fair, Interview, Rolling Stone, and maybe a few others, I don’t know where they would get that idea. It is hard to believe we want to hear what they have to say during peace times, much less war times, when it is much more important to be quiet. It is important to be quiet because of the “endangering troops” thing.

It is even worse when celebrities speak up over seas. I’m looking at you short Dixie Chick. Why weren’t you at school, Natalie, on manners day? “Don’t say things in a foreign country” comes right in between “chew with your mouth closed” and that salad fork thing. Speaking your mind on stage, especially in England, is even worse, where I imagine they take particular offense to the mixing of music and politics. The Sex Pistols were deported to America for a reason. The whole thing might be illegal, too. Your rights to free speech, which are already too open-ended, stop at the borders. In England, I’m pretty sure they don’t even have free speech.

To top it all off, it now appears as if the celebrity anti-war movement was not even a byproduct of liberal, Cali-fostered stupidity, but a just a cynical way to make more money. The Dixie Chicks album is selling more than ever, probably being downloaded more than that. Michael Moore’s movie is the highest ranking pre-ordered DVD on Amazon.com. That’s just the TWO examples I can think of, but I’m sure there are thousands. Paul Farhi of the Washington Post points out that there is no real backlash because “baby boomers grew up with dissent” and young people “aren’t paying attention” or aren’t easily offended. It definitely isn’t because people agree with them! Maybe it’s that nobody understands them. A “fictional war” in “fictitious times”? What does that even mean, Moore?!

So, to all the Garofalos who expect to drop a dime and get rich on the death of innocent American soldiers, the joke (and it’s a funny one) will be on you. Unless you know how to make cluster bombs, put out fires, organize new “democracies”, export oil, or rebuild cities, then you ain’t getting squat!