Not a Prediction… A Recap From the Future

The 3rd game between the Suns and Spurs in their 2007 playoff series happens about 2 hours from now. It is the first game since Amare Stoudemire called out the Spurs as a “bunch of dirty bitches”. What will happen tonight is inevitable. Stoudemire will make about 20 shots, kissing each one off the backboard. As we know from reading about Tim Duncan, this the coolest shot ever. Amare will follow each one by kissing somewhere on his arm- bicep, shoulder, finger, etc. The San Antonio crowd will boo because they think this is “whining”.

The Spurs will manage to keep it close because Michael Finley goes off for a bunch of 3-pointers. This is OK as he is still somewhat cool for calling current teammate Bruce Bowen “a dirty piece of fuck” when he was still with the Mavericks. Of course, just as Nash nails a three-pointer to tie the game late, Bowen will undercut him and break his ankle. As Bowen is thrown out, the crowd will boo because they think this is “just good defense”.

Eventually, the Suns will win on another backboard shot by Stoudemire at the end of overtime – a dunk! No one has ever seen or even envisioned what a dunk off the backboard looks like and it just shows what an unselfish player Amare is. Most players would have saved the first new dunk invented in 25 years for the All-Star dunk contest.

Nash comes back to play the next 2 games on a broken ankle averaging 50-20-10 (points – assists – blocks) and sending the Spurs home. Also, the NBA governing board of directors strips Dirk Nowitzki of his MVP trophy on the basis of “retardedness” and gives it to little Steve Nash and on the basis of “awesomeness.”