Dedicated to spreading anarchy on the internet by hacking into Amazon's product database, spreading trojan viruses via electronic mail, and performing
a series of Jackass style
pranks with our personal home
computers!

...Read this weeks guerilla
experiment...

»On the Origin of Robin Williams’ Body Hair

A brief history of time... involving Robin's bearish lineage. Where were you in 1957? What A&E's Biography leaves out we leave in.

»An Open Letter

We got drunk once and laughed all night at that with movie Pat Morita and Jay Leno on Showtime. We were friends once. But I let you borrow my CDs and you give them back all scratched to hell?! No thank you.

»A Matter of Plethics

Old Professor Elliot responds to the questions his philosophy students provide regarding the dilemmas of lap dancing and Dalmatians.

RUMSFELD UNVEILS DOLE IMPERSONATION, COMEDY ROUTINE (BR)

Donald Rumsfeld became so irritated by questions yesterday that he began to do a Bob Dole impersonation for no apparent reason, then when asked about the lack of viable law enforcement presence in Iraq, said, "We have a team...an A-team in the works... a team which was found guilty for a crime that it didn't commit... they've been working underground against Columbian druglords and Russians and it's time to bring them back in the fold... they have a zero-casualty record and we need that... can I hear one for Peck? Lt. Templeton? Face?!" Rumsfeld continued to exhort the press until one confused reporter in the back finally gave Lt. Templeton "Face" Peck a "shout out".

REAL WORLD MEMBER 'JIM' TO DOCUMENT EXPERIENCE (BR)

MTV's newest The Real World, it's long running reality series, will be taping in Phoenix this summer. One new star, Jim, will bring along a film crew to record his stay in the house for a documentary. "I just thought it would be interesting, " he said, "because nobody has really seen anything like that before, what's it like to live in the Real World house, or what it's like to be on TV all the time."

MAN TOO NERVOUS TO FINISH HOOTERS LUNCH (BR)

A man became nervous ordering his lunch last Thursday at a Hooters restaurant and asked for something he didn't really want. Furthermore, he could only finish two bites of the sandwich after it was brought to him. When asked by the waitress if anything was wrong with his food he stuttered, "No. No. Thank you." He believes the incident can be traced back to junior high, where he first became nervous when talking to an early developing female classmate. He went to Burger King after leaving the establishment.

'PROFESSOR BOTCHULISM' IN CUSTODY (BR)

Ari Fleischer announced the capture yesterday of Iraqi scientist Adful-Quamas Jazam, coined "Professor Botchulism" immediately after his capture. Fleischer pointed out that "this government represents the majority, and not just racially, but intellectually, too. Most people are fans of Raw Deal and Con Air." He then looked at a camera before saying, "Make no mistake about it, Al-Kamar-Jazirus The Virus, America's gonna save the day, and you're next."