Dear Nathan

Dear Nathan,

My wife, “Janine,” and I were married three months ago. We have a large circle of friends who gave us wonderful wedding gifts.

Yesterday, a mysterious package arrived in the mail. It was addressed only to “Janine”, but we opened it together. Inside, we found a beautifully framed photograph of “Janine” with her old boyfriend, “Martin.” It had been taken several years ago in Paris. They were laughing with their arms around each other (in wet bathing suits) in front of the Eiffel Tower. I was very offended. I don’t even know why they were wearing bathing suits in the middle of France. I took the photograph out of the frame, threw it in the toilet, and shat on it. “Janine” thinks I overreacted and was fairly grossed out, but I couldn’t help myself.

“Martin” has never liked me because “I stole Janine away from him.” I believe he intentionally wanted to push my buttons — and I guess he succeeded. I totally trust “Janine”, but I feel my anger was justified. What do you think? — BUMMED

Nathan says, “Greeeatt…”

Dear Nathan,

My name is “Lisa” and I have a son named “Fred”. My ex-husband “Frankie” and I have been apart for over a year now. He is a Marine in Iraq. Recently, I have been receiving e-mails from him asking to get back together. I am not seeing anyone, and I feel for him, and “Fred” needs a dad, but I am not sure I want to be in a relationship with “Frankie” because he used to get crazy eyes sometimes. I’m sure being a psycho is a good thing when you’re mowing down brownies in the desert, but I don’t like it in the house. Plus, being an American troop is almost as good as being a movie star these days. If I turn him down, he’d thank me with all the play he’ll be getting when he comes home, right? What should I do? — CONFUSED IN AMERICA

Nathan says, “I don’t know.”

Dear Nathan,

For the past ten years, I have been secretly married to a man of whom my family does not approve. I have been able to keep them in the dark because I live in another state, told them I’ve been in college getting three master degrees, and have been avoiding their calls for, let’s just say, quite some time. I’m 33 years old, Robin, and I know the problems it will cause, especially because I have a mixed-race child they don’t know about. I need some tips on how to tell my family. Help! — NOT A STUDENT IN IDAHO

Nathan says, “Get a grip.”